No shame.

There once was a young family that lived on the edge of town. The couple had three young children and seemed to live a quiet life. The husband worked daily and the wife stayed home with the youngest two children.   The children loved swinging on the swings in the backyard as it was a daily favorite.  However, sometimes the quiet was too quiet, not enough communication to be healthy and one day things changed.  For days, only a few sips of soup could sustain the wife.  She was now on her own. It seemed all that had held her together had been shattered. She had questions, unpaid bills, no job, 3 children to support, and more than anything else, unrelenting shame.  As a Christian, how could this happen?  This was something she vowed never to allow. How could she face her friends, her church, her parents, her life?  This was just something that does not happen to good people and most of all, Christians. How could she continue and where would she go from here?! The rug had been pulled out from underneath her. 

See this mom had unrealistic expectations. She expected her decision to stay married and love for life to prevail, not realizing that others may not keep promises. This young mom desired to have a perfect family. Well by all means it was her goal in life!!  It was her goal to get married, love her husband and children and live happily ever after.  Well, it worked for Cinderella right?!  All we need is love, right? Just love and snuggle and be happy, all will be well.  No arguing, no fighting, all is calm.  If no arguments, then all must be grand, right?! No disagreements, well, even no communication. No discussion or expression of feelings between spouses in order to even have a disagreement. She slowly began to realize this may not have been as happy or wonderful as she had been disillusioned to believe. Now she wondered if she would ever find love again? Who would want to love her with a past? She felt no hope. 

As time passed, this young mom was blessed with a job right across the street from her home, two of her children were in school now and her youngest was watched by a wonderful lady from church at no cost. God showed his provision and His care in many ways. Sometimes there were bags of groceries on the front porch left for her little family.   God was providing and bringing healing, however, there was one item still bothering this mom.  Shame. This would be with her for always and she did not think she could handle it.  She felt deeply the shame of being divorced and what made it worse was there was no way around it and it seemed like no hope of ever escaping it.  This is not what she wanted and how could any good come of this? 

In her prayer time and with a dear friend/mentor that God brought in her life over the next few years, she began to see God’s hand in this more than she ever thought.  At times she felt abandoned by Him as well.  God began to speak to her in quiet moments.  She would cry about not having the family life she wanted and feeling way too busy and tired to enjoy her children.  The Lord spoke to her about wanting the ‘perfect family’ over wanting Him. He spoke about how life is not about being comfortable or having a perfect family,  but about being shaped into His image, getting to know Jesus so well that she becomes like Him in love, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control, etc.  He would often say to her that He can speak and work in her life, when she is broken.  

This young women was me and I began to embrace change.  God reminded me of the story in which Abraham was called to sacrifice Issac.  I laid down my expectations and hopes in a perfect family and began to hope in God.  I also laid down the shame.  I actually learned to embrace the brokenness in my life, since God told me He was going to use it for good.  He reminded me to have humility and comforted me in the hard times.  He showed me his love by some verses such as, “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. 5"For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth” from Isaiah 54:4.  As I embraced humility and found my joy in God, He was closer than I ever thought possible.  Also, Psalm 25:3, “Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed.” “Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours”, from Isaiah 61:7.  The days I chose to wait on the Lord and listen to Him I found such amazing joy and peace.  I learned my goal was to please the Lord, not those around me. I also found out that God favored me and found no flaw in me.  If I could make those words jump out of the page at you I would!!  Listen to that!!  He has FAVOR for YOU!  AND THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU!! 

Now this is my story, your story may be different. In my situation, I was abandoned, but you may have been the one abandoning in your relationship.  If so, you may feel convicted and if that is the case, ask the Lord to show you where you may have been wrong, then repent, ask forgiveness and come back under His umbrella of protection. There are always two sides of every story and 2 people in a relationship it was not perfect from either side, such as mine.  The Scripture teaches not to divorce in the first place and everything that can be done should be done to try to keep it together.  However, in cases of immorality, the divorce is allowed by Scripture.  There are more topics on this and many books on the subject, feel free to read this book or others like it.

Here are some more verses to really think about and let become a part of you:

"Blessed is the man who listens to me, Watching daily at my gates, Waiting at my doorposts. 35"For he who finds me finds life And obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 8:34-35

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. 4So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. 5Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.…Proverbs 3:4-6

1Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid. 2A good man will obtain favor from the LORD, But He will condemn a man who devises evil. Proverbs 12-1-2

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

  

As the years went by, I learned to embrace God, embrace change and embrace my children in a new way. I learned to trust God in a way I never had before.  I learned to hold onto my life and my kids with open hands, knowing that God knew what He was doing and was bigger and stronger than I to take care of them.  I grew to love my story.  I grew to embrace the story of brokenness and not be ashamed of my past.  My past is a part of me and it does not determine my worth.  We can feel tainted sometimes in our Christian circles, if we have experienced a divorce, but God says there is no flaw in you.  No flaw!!  You are His and He is yours.  He loves you with an everlasting love and His love endures forever.  Rest in His love for you today.